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There is an Egret in a meadow nine to five.
Big as a child,
it stalks the blades and shades
the scorched earth with black wings
that spread like Death above
the villages of bugs
which writhe like Pompeii dogs
lanced on an Egret beak,
straight scythe.

There is a Shark inside the ocean nine to five.
Its teeth are piled
up on one another like cities over cities.
They fall and rise in treadmill style.
The Shark swims all alone in empty blue
and waits for blood.
Its fin that splits the waves
is its bold flag.
To man, it marks the ocean
“Land of Shark”.

There is a Man inside a labyrinth nine to five.
His life is filed
in a cabinet, away.
His life is led
in flimsy walls, carpeted in grey.
He lives by numbers and by boredom
and by boredom he becomes Destroyer.
There is a Man who using his computer
ends your life.
©2009 =mngamojemo
:iconmngamojemo:

Author's Comments

The last stanza really needs work. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

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:iconsmallchange:
There is an Egret in a meadow nine to five.
Big as a child,
(...)
lanced on an Egret beak,
straight scythe.

There is a Shark inside the ocean nine to five.
Its teeth are piled
up on one another like cities over cities.
They fall and rise in treadmill style.
The Shark swims all alone in empty blue
and waits for blood.
Its fin that splits the waves
is its bold flag.
To man, it marks the ocean
“Land of Shark”.


The quoted parts here are my favourite parts. The whole shark bit was just absolutely wonderful. The last verse needs work, I agree, but I'm not sure how it should be altered to actually make it work... it sounds a lot more trivial than the other bits, though I think the last couple of lines are alright.

--
Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven - Jack Kerouac
:iconmrkylhappy:
I like what you have here.I made a poem/satirical song that I've made improvements to.This is a link to that song that I put together: [link]
I hope that it is helpful in some way.

--
To the Hell with today,bring on tomorrow.
To the Hell with tomorrow,bring on next year.
:iconsednaplus:
...it starts to slip away with 'by boredom he becomes destroyer'. the idea is tight, but needs new wording. I say sleep on it and try again
erm, do egrets eat bugs? thought they were fishers. the image of the Destroyer Egret is a good one, though.
/looks nervously at sky/
:iconsiralex635:
I agree with ~sednaplus, the word "boredom" in the context of this poem kills the effect somewhat, though I can't think of what you could use instead. The last line is great though, and so are the metaphors used throughout. I especially like "His life is filed/in a cabinet, away/His life is led/in flimsy walls, carpeted in gray". Keep up the good work.
Also, is that a typo in the first stanza, should it be "Pompeii dogs"?

--
Peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.
COMMUNISM - It's a party.
:iconmngamojemo:
Yes, yes it should. :iconheaddeskplz:

--
...and my axe.
:iconmngamojemo:
Egrets eat bugs if they feel like it. They prefer fish, but this one didn't.

--
...and my axe.

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May 8
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